Youth Handler T-Shirts

"Hey! Who's this little guy?"

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

Pushy Dog

'The word bath is mentioned.'

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

"And the way you kids kick ass today will speak volumes about the leaders of tomorrow you will be."

"It's not my fault! Tariffs on lemon imports have forced me to increase my prices."

"What I miss during school holidays is not going out on strike every Friday."

"He did it!"

"There you go with that typical police mentality."

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

Mentoring Unit: 'Go on! You can do it! You can be a mentor!'

"3:14 p.m. Suspect drives to lakeside resort. Rents rowboat under false name. Tosses evidence into... wait, how do I tell anyone?" Topper: Undercover police dog

'I wouldn't worry too much about his communication skills....grunting is perfectly normal at his age!'

'At least hanging around street corners reminds us we're at a crossroads in our lives.'

"Let's face it, if we were getting any customers they'd have been here by now."

I think you started off sending him the wrong message when you named him Alpha.

"I lost my way and wandered through this white hell for five days before your brave rescue dog found me and saved me from starving to death!"

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

'I wish I could do Search and Rescue too: When you're a Police Dog, the people you find don't actually want to be found...'

'Damn showdog people!'

'Did you read my email about Timmy falling down the well?'

'He's a sniffer dog-trained to sniff out dope.'

Police Dept. K-9 Unit. Just once I'd like to go undercover as a bad dog.

"It started out as a joke but I've made twenty bucks ... "

"Listen, buddy, a lot of dogs accidentally wee-wee at Westminster."

Rancher builds fence around angry bull.

A salesman father waves to his son at the maternity ward.

"Yeah, but it doesn't smell like a bomb!"

'...Because its easy to draw.'

"Don't rush me, I've got to get it right!"

"You want to know what kind of criticism of Israeli politics I consider anti-semitic?"