Young Mind Molder Gifts

'If the key to effective classroom management is consistency, I guess I'm an effective classroom manager, I am consistently exhausted at the end of the day.'

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Remember, the road to recovery begins with baby steps."

'Since Fleming already beat you to it with penicillin, I take it we can dispose of your week-old sandwich?'

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

'All dogs have 4 legs. Tabby has 4 legs. But I'm just a kid, so I don't have to think logically.'

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

'Would you feel less inferior if I made you a Colonel?'

'It's a sad case -- amnesia AND identity theft.'

"We'll soon have you sorted out, Mr. Fenton."

"Don't worry they're all part of my team."

'I've lost the urge to repeat everything...'

Yes, yes, let your aggressions out, but not here!

Well, I feel a lot better - he says there's a method to my madness.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

"Well, how can I help cure your severe hypochondria if you keep cancelling appointments due to illness?"

Analyst and patient

We've been together so long, we can finish each other's texts.

Doctor with pump: 'Hold on a second while I inflate his ego.'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

It's always the same dream. I'm in therapy, analyzing my recurring dream.

'Mom, am I store-bought or homemade?'

"As a last resort Tom's trying a mind-meld!"

'The position calls for a mature person with young ideas.'

'No more appointments today, Miss Mitchell. I'm all psyched out.'

When psychiatrists do self analysis.

"Therapist: Six couches no waiting"

"Let it out. Let it all out."

'I'm trying to work on Mr. Findlay's self-esteem, Miss Oglethorpe — stop giggling in there!'

When psychiatry works too well!

The Cello Victims

"Well, right now I'm feeling a little uncomfortable."

'It all started in my previous life, doctor.'

'My problems seem small to you because you're so darn BIG'