Yardline Critic Pillows

"Why is this quarterback still playing?"

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

Humans...What is their purpose?

'Mom, don't you understand? Those collars are symbols of subservience and repression!'

Stock market investment advice

Horse statue throws off rider.

Beginning Yarder.

Lawn Order. It's a landscaping show about maintaining a tidy yard.

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

"You see a bunny rabbit in the clouds. I see mom telling me to mow the lawn."

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

"One can be against entitlements, and still feel a sense of entitlement."

'I got tattoos to make a statement, but my teacher said I could do the same thing by joining the debating team.'

"Fine. It's just that it'll take me longer to walk there in my skinny jeans."

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"When the heck did leaf blowers become grass blowers?!"

'The shareholders are in an uproar; they demand change. Bob, switch seats with Gerald.'

"...and you've got private use of it, so long as you don't exceed 10,000 mile per annum.'

'In the modern world manufacturing takes place in China. Most R&D is one in South Korea and support and logistics is based in India.'

I suppose industrial pollution is the price of progress, but I still miss that old world atmosphere.

Leaves.

"The doctor said I've got 'texter's slump'."

Big oil.

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"Well, certainly his claim seems justified , but if we paid off every justified claim what kind of insurance company would we be?"

'I used to have serfs, but I've found that free-range peasants are more efficient.'

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

Sucking Up to Gen X

"I'm composing a song for the new administration. It's entitled, 'Hell to the chief'."

"It's little Pharma. Want some baby aspirin?"

"I can't find a decent bagel in this place."

Mail & Political lies.

Think - But not too much.

'Some way we've got to get back the good old American know-how to make cheap crap.'