X-pert Gifts

'Just a darn minute! -- Yesterday you said that X equals two!'

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

'Relax, it's just like riding a rollercoaster.'

"Let me know if you smell any large-mouth bass."

"I'm pleased that you have finally come home, I can't get the parrot back into its cage."

"He quit online counseling. This gives him the same sympathy, but cheaper."

Cat in tank sees fish form letters to spell out, 'Help'.

'Put that down your fool! It's a bone of contention.'

I love Marimba

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

"Siri, are you out of your mind?!"

Department of Archaeology Floor Plan

'Oh, that is so simplistic. Why must you always see the world in black and white?'

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

'Make up your mind! Are you mulling or musing?'

"Good lord! Four of my dearest Facebook friends died last week!"

Dog on Cat.

"I hear we went platinum."

"Remember, never put all your eggs into one omelet."

Archeology Dept...'Diggin' the past, Dude!'

Think Tank.

'I found it in the Khama Sutra...it's an old indian bondage trick.'

'Manna from heaven puts the olfactory talents of Israel's dogs to the test.'

'I wanted a parrot-Giles wanted organic fresh eggs,so we compromised...'

"We'd prefer the sort of place where we won't catch any disfiguring diseases or be killed by fanatics."

Think and Think Again.

'Master is too lazy to walk us, so we walk each other...'

'You see, Mister Wilkens, Freckles has what we veterinarians call hardware disease."

Woman pins up a Lost Cat poster on a telegraph pole, but the cat is hiding from her behind the pole.

Nethead strip: Avoided

Science Experiment.

'Its cost-benefit rate is low, and its risk-benefit rate is low, but its dirt-benefit rate is very, very high.'

'Never mind the future, tell me who I was with a year ago.'

'It's better to keep the second ball in your pocket.'