Writing Wiz Prints

I'm not sure which, but he's just invented either writing or vandalism. (Published originally on Feb. 11, 2011.)

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

Multi-tasking.

Dog Park

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

Ninedency: A budding tendency

Sauce for the Goose

Hamlet's struggle with online shopping addiction. To eBay or not to eBay.

Nerd tryouts.

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

'Yep,that's it Mr.White. And NOW go, Control-Alt-Delete, then re-enter.'

'This computer has a fast modem, the latest Pentium, increased RAM, a huge hard drive and broadband connections. Only one problem...slow pointer fingers.'

'WE use these computers to gather and organise data for our school district and, on a slow day, to play solitaire.'

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

'My dog ate my computer.'

STRIP Hambone: Workers help is a hindrance

GO AHEAD ... MAKE MY DAY!

"I hate you! You don't understand me and you don't understand my software!"

'Those enormous worldwide internet communities.'

"I spy with my little eye…"

"Brilliant cover letter, lousy résumé."

"After a long day at the office writing business software...Bob loves to relax writing game software."

"The results are impressive, but it'll be decades before we can transmit and receive pornography."

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

"It's a swearbox."