World Champion Wannabe Gifts

Frank Bruno

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

A tortoise running along the side of the road, panting.

"I've been genetically modified!"

'I've got a cape. I think I can make it.'

Mr. K's essay is such a drag! Yeah, but I've got to do really well. Twig! You're such a grind! Am not! Life isn't only about grades. I know! But he's directing the spring musical. And my singing won't get me the part all by itself! English: Gateway to the Grammys.

"Sarge, he says he wants to make a 'fashion statement'!"

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

Inaction Figure

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Top Ten Hit

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

"Sure we'll get in trouble, but our science grades will make up for it."

'Hi....I'm on my driving test....'

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

"I promised myself I would never let this happen to me."

'... And as soon as I get out of here, I'm going back to that karate school to demand a full refund!'

'...And to faithfully execute the duties of Emperor of the United States of Newt...'

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

'OK, who wants to be a hero?'

Maps to the Hovels of Would Be Stars.

Competitions.

The future Muhammad Ali about to be conceived.

'I've gone over the fight tapes and I think I've pinpointed your weakness.'

'Forgive the interruption, but can the surgeon wait until after he operates on me to play his chess.'

'What do you mean... You sent the rest of the uniform to the dry cleaners?'

I worry that your camp concentrates too much on soccer. I'm ok, mom. Really. Specializing is bad for your joints and muscles. Chill, mom. I'm cross-training. Oh. I have very well-conditioned thumbs.

Speed Checked by Radar.

"You're too late, again Procrastination Man."

"Central America, the Balkans... such small countries... no reason we can't buy at least one of them."

"He used to want to take over the world."

"Kid, you're going to have to make a choice."

'The thing I liked best about being an amateur is that the other guy was an amateur too!'

"I shot 60 and you say that isn't bad, but I aim to do even better on the second hole!"

I'm only a part time waiter, I'm really an actor...You may have seen me at the movies. Maybe, where do you sit?

'I could rule the world if it wasn't for my inferiority complex.'