Workplace Whisperers Pillows

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

"Mr Wilson says he'll stop harassing me if I go to bed with him"

"I'll give you a 30% cut in snide comments about your weigt in return for 45% reduction in your arrogant misogyny."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'What do you mean...You feel uncomfortable asking for time off?'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"It's not who you know, it's how you use them."

Computer help.

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

"I'm really great thanks. The boss loves my ideas, he says I'm ahead of my time!" "Hi John, how are you? Good meeting?"

"Love your feng shui!"

"He works well with everyone except customers and co-workers."

"I think we might already have lost the next set of graduates, they don't see us offering a career path..."

"You have a certain kind of charm, haven't you, Mr. Beadle? Well, that's all right. I'm not totally opposed to charm."

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. . ."

"Tell the employees that from now I want them to do as I say, not as I do."

"Just got back from the client meeting and great news. . . your work isn't dead. It's beaten senseless and run over by a dump truck...but still very much alive."

'Then again - no pain, no gain.'

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

"It's important to see 'beyond the obvious' when you look at a customer. . ."

'Don't keep complimenting them on their work, or before you know it they'll be asking for a rise.'

'We're projecting a profit, but not within our lifetimes.'

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

"Don't worry Sir, you're not the first person to ask for a refund and you probably won't be the last!"

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

'Mom, Dad, it's nice of you to visit me at the store, but you know, I am working.'

'Are you hiding something from me?'

This is Mr Smith from Big Data Mining. He says he's found an insight.

'Excellent! Our tests confirm that the average shareholder falls asleep by page 9 of the 10-K. Place the notice of the IRS audit on page 10.'

'I think our filing system is a little too obvious.'