Workplace Tactician T-Shirts

Randy, what's the best way to ask for a raise? Have a battle plan. First do recon: how're the company's finances? Second: arm yourself with examples of how you went above and beyond. Then you march in. Then you hope the public hasn't lost interest and congress hasn't cut funding for your medical care when you get home. Well that went off on a tangent. "No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

Takeovers.

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

Genius

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'Competition is good...unless it's too good.'

"Huddleston, I admire your hands-on approach to everything, but get the hell out of my office!"

Telephone message - 'This is a recording. If you'd like to speak to a real live human being, forgetaboutit.

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

"As you can see, Simpson, I'm not the sort of man who's afraid of confrontation...that is you isn't it, Simpson?"

Carlo Ancelotti

'Jones, somewhere out there, we've lost our common sense. I want you to go and bring it back.'

"No, it hasn't anything to do with my presentation. But wait until you see how I hold everyone's attention with it sitting next to me at the podium."

'Larry, you have everything it takes to go far in this company, but a word of advice: lose the laugh.'

"I was able to negotiate it from a hostile takeover to an uneasy alliance."

"Do you handle employee salary negotiations as well?"

'This is Osgood, our most essential man -- he thinks up new ways to limit warranties!'

'What say we set aside all our petty grievances and just hate each other on general principles.'

"Hi, I'm Cindy, the company's most toxic employee!"

'Remember, Henderson - Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and you've sacrificed your leverage.'

'Some executives have within them the seeds of greatness. Others are just seedy.'

'let's see if we can find any loopholes in this 'honesty-is-the-best-policy' nonsense.'

"The change management consultant wants to move the meeting."

"You can't expect to get anywhere in business without making an enemy or two, Filmeyer."

"Miss. Wilcox, get me the coast."

"It's a dog-eat-dog economy. And I'm the Doberman."

"Remember, negotiating is like buying fruit. You don't know what you'll get until you squeeze 'em a bit."

"I said, 'Don't worry, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve.' That's when he called my bluff."

So what happens when you told Armstrong you wouldn't recite that Sinclair Broadcasting script? Oh, nothing. Sinclair sued me for everything I own, that's all. But the joke's on them: I've set up different LLC's for every aspect of my life. So all they could get were the assets of the LLC that they paid. This opens up a whole world of possibilities. I knew forming Rudy-has-next-to-nada LLC was a good idea. I am going to miss my ten cents and my broken wiffle ball, though.

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'