Workplace Politics Gifts

I wonder where that's going...(Blame sign).

'Keep the windows closed. We don't like to encourage office romances.'

'Plan A and B involve you taking the fall for me.'

"Perhaps we should rethink 'Don't Come To Work Fridays.'"

'I'm determined to get on that ethics committee if I have to bribe or blackmail everyone I know.'

'I heard rumours you're outsourcing my job to India.'

"Either accept the pay reduction or you get sent down to the minors."

"Jyoti, Jyoti, Jyoti… Power is a dangerous thing. Leave it to me."

"Management really cares about our well being. They want us to leave work the same way we came in - depressed and hopeless."

"Wonderful. Another consultant telling us that the key to success in business is to follow our instincts. Wake me when it's over!"

"Stop complaining. Why can't you be more like Puskin? Say, you're Puskin, aren't you?"

'Felworth, until you've completed your management training program, I'll have to ask you not to fool around with your desk.'

'Do as I say, not as the government says.'

'Forget about me - what can you tell me about the new CEO coming on board?'

'This is Ferguson... He don't hate the boss, he don't hate his job, he don't hate the government, he don't hate his wife... You better not trust him.'

'Not caught you at a bad time,I hope,Maxwell?'

'I can't give you a raise... but I can rent you a cubicle.'

"The boss kicked me up the corporate ladder and I fell off!"

'Don't be so paranoid. We're not gossiping about what happened to you yesterday ... at 11:43 am.'

'Of course, the tortoise won. He's UNION and the rabbit's not.'

'I got this promotion based on my ability and if you don't believe me, you can march right in there and ask my Dad!'

'My take home pay won't even take me home.'

Member of two trade unions

I'm not going to form a union just so you can refuse my demands. Besides, I'm just one guy. Work with me. Sign up with the Service Workers of America, then demand to negotiate higher wages and more breaks. I'll refuse, lay you off, bring in scabs, then eventually hire you back after you take a pay cut and sign away your right to collective bargain. C'mon, please. I've waited a lifetime for these circumstances. I'll do it for a raise.

Rudy, from now on I'm going to answer all employee requests through Twitter. Publicly? Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. That's right. If you have a valid request, you should have no problem with the entire world hearing it. Now, what was that again about you needing time off for a proctology appointment? Never mind. Hold on ... composing a tweet ... How do you spell "polyp" again?

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."