Workplace Legend Gifts

"That's where everyone started getting sick of me."

Businesswoman Empowerment

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

"Now you can send it."

"You call this sweating bullets over the Jackson account? What caliber?"

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

"I'm a bit concerned the staff don't respect me, they've given me a nickname."

'....and that's our CEO. He's trying to find a corporate direction.'

"Goodbye, Cruikshank. We leave you to contemplate the wisdom of messing with big dog!"

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

'Ms. Moffit, please inform the staff that I have morphed and send in that plump young marketing trainee.'

'Doctor says I've got an enlarged procrastinate.'

'The position carries no health benefits but we do give you a mantra which you can recite daily to promote good health.'

'No, I did not have a good day at the office, you know that's against the rules.'

'I'll be a little late with those reports, sir -- my desk organizer crashed.'

Elevator charge $1.00.

41 Rounds of Layoffs Survived

I made JB laugh today - I asked him for a rise.

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

Your supervisor says you have been giving 100 every week, but at the rate of 20 a day.

'If you only learn one thing while you're here kid, remember, the cherry filled ones are mine!'

"I like office work, it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours!"

'Paul, can I bounce a few ideas off you?'

Union organizer in a hostile workplace. . .

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'