Workplace Concentration Gifts

"You want my undivided attention? I don't think it exists."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'What's wrong now?'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

"Steady. This is going to be so sweet."

National Boss Monument.

'Yes, can I help you?'

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"He was orphaned at an early age and raised by two giant moths."

'ACE Heating and cooling' 'What's Hot' 'What Not'

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

Fact: The average person spends 4.3 hours per week looking for things that are misplaced, misfiled or mislabeled.

Torn-Off Mouse.

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'