Workplace Behavior Pillows

"I want that report on bullying and I want it now!"

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'Not eight hours a day, Hambone!'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"My email is down... talk to me."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Santa Claus's Mail

Do Not Resuscitate

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Bo're'droom

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"The meeting will come to order."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"We can waste time and look for a solution or...just find a scapegoat?"

"I hate performance review season."

'What's wrong now?'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'