Workout Hider Pillows

'...How much did he pay you to sneak in here and take his fitness test?'

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

"We need to walk."

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

The Candy Shop. Anytime I eat candy it immediately goes to my mid-section. No time to waist!

"I'm exhausted! I've just binge-watched the entire series of 'Fresh Air and Exercise.'"

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

'Your back went out because your front went out.'

"Sad really. He's scared of heights."

"I'd just like to congratulate you on how skillfully you've hidden my novel!"

'It's really not that effective, but it's easy to store.'

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

In Disguise.

'But, dear, I am walking the dog.'

"I can’t even find the motivation to quit my gym membership."

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

New years resolutions

"So if you don't want to know the World Cup results look away now until July 16th."

'I know you're at home, Oog -- I can see your feet!'

Congressional Gym. I never need to go in there. I get plenty of exercise kicking the can down the road.

"20% of medical opinion may change every five years...but it won't be the 20% that says smoking 20 a day and being 5 stone overweight is bad for you!"

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

What would it take to get you to start running? Frankly, doctor, it would take someone chasing me.

"They want us to work an extra two hours, so I'm either going to sneak out my office window or hide in the bathroom."

'You need to go on a diet. Your spare tyres are getting spare tyres!'

'You get the diet book which you won't read, the exercise bar you won't use and the workout CD which you won't watch, for only $29.99.'

Yoga Welcome Mat

Man to lady regarding 'Resistance Exercises' book: 'No thanks. I've been an expert on resisting to exercise for 20 years.'

"Well, I wouldn't go as far as to say your body is a temple, more of an amusement arcade."

"You know, anyone who wishes he had a remote control for his exercise equipment is missing the idea of exercise equipment."

Where did you hide my laptop? Hint: You'll never find it. So obvious, dad. Under his dirty laundry. No chores all week if you don't tell.

'The only time I ever worked up a sweat in there was just then, when I tried to cancel my membership!'