Working World Wisecracker Gifts

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

"I want to be street smart so I can be a road scholar."

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'Throw me back and I'll tell you where a 12-pounder is hiding.'

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

'A bachelor's? Big deal - I have a MASTER'S degree in enlightenment!'

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

Boy sits at father's desk at work and says on phone: 'OK, I'll have my boys call your boys ..'

'You're getting older... it's a common complaint.'

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

'Relax, Wilson-I'm just off to the loo.'

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

Chameleon humor...'I never metamorphosis I didn't like...'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

'Remember, Grindley; Neither a borrower nor a lender be: The real profit is in being the middle man.'

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

Welcome! University of Hard Knocks...Where common sense is better than smarts!

"I'm taking a creative writing class. I turned in my checkbook and got an A."

'If wine is 85% water, as long as I leave over 15%, I guess I can drink all I want.'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'Now that we can talk, let me give you some advice....'

"At least we no longer have the pressure of handling so much money."