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"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

"Here's a draft of my speech, Accounts Receivable as Collateral When Obtaining Asset Based Lending. Make it pop."

"This is for anyone on the panel- how can I be up there instead of down here?"

'He was a great writer'

'The good news is, you write what you know. Unfortunately, you don't know much.'

'Billy, I'm not going to argue the semantics of biting. Whether or not you penetrated the skin, I'm calling your mother.'

"Sharp pencils, clean paper, good light, comfortable chair, hot coffee, warm room... ready to work... perhaps the room is too warm..."

Pedants enter PIN.

"I don't think you can accuse another author of plaguerising you for using the same words when they were in a different order."

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

Egyptian grammar

'I want my ideas called 'concepts' not 'notions'.'

'When did 'dude' become an adverb and an adjective?'

'You'll never make it as a freelancer in this business. You're not my nephew.'

'What is tact?' 'The unsaid part of what you think.'

'He's been in here all day looking for trouble.'

Campaign for Plain English

"As a summation of our work it's pretty accurate...apart from the beginning, middle and end of all the words in between!"

Pen mightier than sword.

"I'll recommend your book if you recommend mine."

'Your book won't sell unless we can reduce it to a soundbite, Mr. Darwin. In the publishing world it's survival of the fittest.'

'We need to strike the right tone between asking and desperately pleading in our alumni solicitation letters.'

"'Massive power outage' will freak people out. How about, 'We're rebooting the entire East Coast'?"

P.R. Hell: Abandon all hype, ye who enter here.

"Nah, his staying in all day has nothing to do with that virus. My Dad's a writer, He's been in self-quarantine since 2003."

Election Speech Writer

"Not many swords in tonight..."

'Not now, dear, I'm trying to listen to the Muse.'

I think in order to be historically accurate you're meant to remove the quill from the bird BEFORE you start trying to write with it!

Victim of your own writings.

'My people have 253 words for snow, but only three for sub-prime mortgage.'

Geoffrey Chaucer

'Oh-oh -- I think I've invented writer's block!'

'Writer's block' is not an adequate excuse for delaying sending in you return.

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'