Wordsmiths-in-training T-Shirts

'Frankly, Headmaster, the only way this boy could write a decent essay is if he kept his pencil still and I moved the paper!'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Campaign for Plain English

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Thru versus Through Traffic

Torturing the English Language

"Meet The Author"

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

Edgar Allen Poe

"She's been so creative lately."

"Do me next."

First Novels.

Reading my Critics

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

'Why can't we have a texting bee?'

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

Cut Price

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

Backfire

Someone who knows apostrophes

Why we need poetry. . .

Gone With the Wind: The Beach Blanket

What's normal?

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.