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Reading my Critics

'I don't want you as my mentor no more.' 'You NO LONGER want me as your mentor.'

"People just don't understand me!"

'I'm a writer. Boilerplate.'

'Me? Actually I'm a writer. . . Well, er, at the moment it's mainly job applications.'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

I think a carjacking story needs a more dramatic headline than "Man Held Up in Traffic."

Police Dept. Public Information Office. This press release should say "We have not yet gathered evidence," not "We're clueless"!

Ernie, what's a seven-letter phrase for "sadistic behavior"? Beats me.

Writing the poem was easy: there are lots of words rhyming with "snow"...

When English Majors have relationship problems.

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

Nevermore. You don't have to use "air quoths" every time.

"Brilliant cover letter, lousy résumé."

Ye Editor. It’s a little downbeat, Will. How about making it a comedy and changing the name from "Othello" to "The Moor, The Marry-er"?

"Swing me with your words."

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

Books vs mobile phones

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

Irvine Welsh

Rudyard Kipling

Wordplay: Lemonade - Save the Lemon.

Wussapalooka

Emily Dickinson

"Here it is - my novel. I'll be interested to hear your compliments."

"It's about keeping the bunny alive within each of us."

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

Best Seller 'Screw You'. Kiss the Author's Ass 2 PM.

Major Poets, Minor Poets, Free Agents.

Come to bed, Snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points and then told him his parents don't love him because he's illiterate! How nice you've found a hobby. I feel so nurtured.

"The quality of the writing is an embarrassment, it has no style, no fluency, no soul!"

Saul Bellow

"God lives in the eternal present. The gift that keeps on giving."

Chinese kids are much smarter than we are! They just score well on tests. They're grinds. We're creative! We learn to express ourselves! West Fester High School. We'd better learn to express ourselves in Chinese!

"I guess the next time someone asks if I need something spelled out for me, the answer will be yes."