Wordsmith At Sea Pillows

'Hey Mum, what does 'Thirsty' mean?'

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

Reading my Critics

Nevermore. You don't have to use "air quoths" every time.

"Brilliant cover letter, lousy résumé."

"I wrote a poem, even though I'm on vacation."

"Swing me with your words."

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

Books vs mobile phones

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Writing the poem was easy: there are lots of words rhyming with "snow"...

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

Rudyard Kipling

Wussapalooka

Emily Dickinson

Come to bed, Snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points and then told him his parents don't love him because he's illiterate! How nice you've found a hobby. I feel so nurtured.

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

"Loads of top US writers have whole teams to support them

Monk Mistake

Major Poets, Minor Poets, Free Agents.

Best Seller 'Screw You'. Kiss the Author's Ass 2 PM.

"The quality of the writing is an embarrassment, it has no style, no fluency, no soul!"

Ernie, what's a seven-letter phrase for "sadistic behavior"? Beats me.

'Alphabet soup? -- oh, an intellectual, eh?'

"#*@!% #*@!% #*@!%"

Saul Bellow

Chinese kids are much smarter than we are! They just score well on tests. They're grinds. We're creative! We learn to express ourselves! West Fester High School. We'd better learn to express ourselves in Chinese!

Cliche Workshop, "Who wants to get the ball rolling?"

English major will work for food.

Rider's Block: Well I'll be. I've completely forgotten how to start this thing.

Military Intelligence - Cross word puzzle instead of medal ribbons.

When English Majors have relationship problems.

'Camilo José Cela'

Frank and Ernest's Amended Sayings. "Everything comes to he who waits..." "But it will be used!"