Wordsmith In Chaos Pillows

'When I was on amphetamines in my wild youth, I could write a 25 page paper in an hour on a manual typewriter, but not in any known language.'

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

Reading my Critics

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Nevermore. You don't have to use "air quoths" every time.

Best Seller

"Brilliant cover letter, lousy résumé."

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"Swing me with your words."

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

Accountant Manqué

A Poet

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Books vs mobile phones

Writing the poem was easy: there are lots of words rhyming with "snow"...

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

"I just got a huge advance for my first novel. It's about a writer who gets a huge advance for his first novel."

"I'm the writer-in-residence."

'I hear he's quite a recluse - doesn't even have a blog.'

Tom Stoppard

Wussapalooka

Rudyard Kipling

He's very disciplined about his writing, three hours staring at a blank screen every morning and five in the afternoon.

Art Gecko.

Emily Dickinson

Come to bed, Snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points and then told him his parents don't love him because he's illiterate! How nice you've found a hobby. I feel so nurtured.

"Loads of top US writers have whole teams to support them

Monk Mistake

Best Seller 'Screw You'. Kiss the Author's Ass 2 PM.

Major Poets, Minor Poets, Free Agents.

Writer's Block Next 10 Miles

'When I said we should read together I meant separate books.'

"The quality of the writing is an embarrassment, it has no style, no fluency, no soul!"

Anna Burns