Wordplay Whizz Pillows

"But on the other hand..."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

Copycats

Zombie standup

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

This Message Has No Content

Fast food. Even faster food

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Do you have any catsup?'

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."