Wordle Wizard T-Shirts

"In the beginning was the Worldle..."

"I had to unfollow you on facebook Steve because you're too show-offy with your wordle scores every day."

"Sweetie, we're dealing with a smart mouse here. Not only did he de-bait the trap, but he got today's Wordle in two."

"Another Wordle show-off."

"It's got my current Wordle winning streak on it."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Copycats

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

Zombie standup

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

I will study my speling words...

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

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'Do you have any catsup?'

Fast food. Even faster food

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

A Copy Editor and His Dog