Wordle Wizard Pillows

"In the beginning was the Worldle..."

"I had to unfollow you on facebook Steve because you're too show-offy with your wordle scores every day."

"Sweetie, we're dealing with a smart mouse here. Not only did he de-bait the trap, but he got today's Wordle in two."

Eldrow

"Another Wordle show-off."

"It's got my current Wordle winning streak on it."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Copycats

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Zombie standup

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

I will study my speling words...

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."