Woodland Gourmet T-Shirts

'And a hint of oak.'

"This is nice … let’s not hop again tomorrow."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

Poor guy fell asleep with his head in the sap.

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"I've got you in my sights now, Mister Squirrel, with your fluffy tail and those tiny hands clutching that itty-bitty nut. Aww, you must be hungry...poor little fella... I love you, Mister Squirrel."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

The Main Types of Cheese

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

To do before Saturday...

"Do you like it better when I go to the F or the Dm?"

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Um, Larry? That’s not a quail."

Too much cilantro

"Have you guys seen my recent collab with the universe?"

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Holiday Supplies

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I brought cocoa."

"Listen, pal, I’m not seeing a ‘giant squirrel eating a rib-eye steak.’"

'I was told this was a big deer crossing.'