Woodland Gourmet T-Shirts

'And a hint of oak.'

"This is nice … let’s not hop again tomorrow."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Do you like it better when I go to the F or the Dm?"

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

"Have you guys seen my recent collab with the universe?"

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

To do before Saturday...

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"I've got you in my sights now, Mister Squirrel, with your fluffy tail and those tiny hands clutching that itty-bitty nut. Aww, you must be hungry...poor little fella... I love you, Mister Squirrel."

Too much cilantro

The Main Types of Cheese

"Um, Larry? That’s not a quail."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'Is this still America?'

"I brought cocoa."

"Listen, pal, I’m not seeing a ‘giant squirrel eating a rib-eye steak.’"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Holiday Supplies

'I was told this was a big deer crossing.'