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The Vineyard

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

You do know it's Harry Potter who's real and JK Rowling is just one of his spells?

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"I've decided to add a little magic, so, everyone, say hello to my little friend."

"With strong winds battering the country, the Met Office have issued an amber wig wearers warning."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

"I don't know, it's just the whole Dark Ages thing. It's got me down."

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

"Of course, it's MY hair - I've still got the receipt!"

'Well, I think it's very creative of the dog to make a wig from his shed hair.'

"Have you tried turning it on and off again..?"

Portfolio, 2011

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

'We should e-mail this and point out that many of our victims were in key marginals...'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

"Oh well, I'm off the see the orthopedist."

'I'd recommend the white wine.'

'Please restore all toupees to upright position.'

"CBD… oil… CBD… oil…"

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"