Witty Wordplay Gifts

'Boy you're an early bird: Your appointment is not for another four hours...'

"Ironically, this is the living room."

Zombie standup

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Backfire

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

"That's it. We’re toast."

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'