Witty Sign Lover Gifts

Liquor Store: Lean to Open.

Cake Free Zone

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

"Beware of God"

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Mom can I have another apple?'

'Psychoanalysis is passé. I suggest we ask for asylum in France.'

Will Work for Food: By 'work' I mean do nothing. . . by 'food' I mean cash.

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Cold caller.

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

The Gilmore Girls

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

Spiv

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed.

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

Cylinder Head

'Not tonight, I have a headache,'

Bowel & Breakfast.

Garbage is a collector's item.

'True but only in practice, not in principle.'

Guy lost in the desert, sign says, You DEFINITELY Aren't Here!!