Witty Host T-Shirts

'Every Hallowe'en barbeque he goes way over the top!'

Bangers and Mash

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

Pinata Trophies

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

Jokes machine.

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

The Algonquin Round Table

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

Bat out of Hell

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

"So, what is your star sign?"

Official Seal

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

Roller Coasters

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

Do you believe in money at first sight?

"You have a lot of unresolved anger and it's settled in your hat."