Witty Comedian T-Shirts

"I don't care if all your friends like that. You go back and put on some more insulation, young lady!"

Sock Puppet in Literature

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

Daffodil bulbs

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

'Bront?saurus.'

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

Jokes machine.

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

The Algonquin Round Table

Rattlecornsnake

Leaving cards.

"Can you sign this copy I downloaded off the internet?"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

Bat out of Hell

Surreal Ale Pub.

'Vacuums!'

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

"So, what is your star sign?"

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'