Witty Comedian T-Shirts

"I don't care if all your friends like that. You go back and put on some more insulation, young lady!"

Sock Puppet in Literature

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art though, Romeo? Seriously, wherefore art thou? Shakespeare in the Dark.

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

Daffodil bulbs

Crow and fox

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

'Bront?saurus.'

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

Jokes machine.

The Algonquin Round Table

Rattlecornsnake

Leaving cards.

"Can you sign this copy I downloaded off the internet?"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

'Vacuums!'

Bat out of Hell

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

"So, what is your star sign?"

Surreal Ale Pub.

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"