Witty Catch Lover Prints

"If I am going to die for a snack, it must be more appetizing than a simple worm."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

"You make a great point."

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

The Gilmore Girls

Cold caller.

'I handed over my company to my son and he's doing better than I ever did. Unfortunately he's starting school next year...'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'Steroids.'

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

Spiv

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

Frank and Ernest's Cerebral Questions. Today's question is would an "elbowhead" be smarter or dumber than a "knucklehead"? (Published originally on October 12, 2015.)

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

'To get ahead in business, you can't lose your head. Pun intended.'

"A pox on your house red."

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

Wanted for Stick Up

I'm snagged on the bottom. I'll have to break the line.

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

'Ferguson's not like the rest of us - he's AROUND the hill.'

"Remember, I've got the Dog Catcher on speed dial."

Blessed are the brief.

Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed.

Mensa Applicants - Please Form an Orderly IQ.

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''