Witty Banter Lovers Prints

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

"We did find a creative bone in your body, but it was very untalented."

'I don't know, Sparky. I think you just met your match.'

'If you are a complete pessimist does it mean you are positively negative!'

'Will you stop referring to contaceptives as labor-saving device.'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'A cheeky red?'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'Mom can I have another apple?'

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

A lesson in wit

Heart To Heart

The Gilmore Girls

Cold caller.

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

Know-it-alls

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'