Witty Comeback Lover Prints

"The short answer is no. The long answer is noooooooooooooo."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Cold caller.

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

"You make a great point."

The Gilmore Girls

'I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you're going to get to relive the thrill of building your company up from nothing!'

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

Spiv

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

Frank and Ernest's Cerebral Questions. Today's question is would an "elbowhead" be smarter or dumber than a "knucklehead"? (Published originally on October 12, 2015.)

'To get ahead in business, you can't lose your head. Pun intended.'

'Reinventing myself.'

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

'Ferguson's not like the rest of us - he's AROUND the hill.'

"Yes I can read palms and if you don't remove yours from my thigh, you'll be reading my palm with your face!"

'I would go to the end of the world for you.' - 'Yes, but would you stay there?'

Wanted for Stick Up

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

"A pox on your house red."

Blessed are the brief.

Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed.