Witty Comeback Lover T-Shirts

"The short answer is no. The long answer is noooooooooooooo."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

The Gilmore Girls

'I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you're going to get to relive the thrill of building your company up from nothing!'

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Cold caller.

"You make a great point."

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

Spiv

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

"A pox on your house red."

Wanted for Stick Up

'Reinventing myself.'

'I would go to the end of the world for you.' - 'Yes, but would you stay there?'

"Yes I can read palms and if you don't remove yours from my thigh, you'll be reading my palm with your face!"

'Ferguson's not like the rest of us - he's AROUND the hill.'

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

'To get ahead in business, you can't lose your head. Pun intended.'

Blessed are the brief.

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