Wit Seekers Gifts

Farmer to lady: 'I recently had a cougar sighting. A 40-year old lady was hitting on my 22-year old farm hand.'

'If you bankers can count, how come you have six windows and only two tellers?'

"Feel free to take notes."

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'Do you think that's wise?'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

Wordplay: In The Bag.

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

Miss America IQ Pageant

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

'You must heal yourself.'

Beyond the known and the unknown.

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'O mighty gods! - May you grant us food, clothing, and shelter, and the wisdom to know the difference.'

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."