Wit Seekers Gifts

Farmer to lady: 'I recently had a cougar sighting. A 40-year old lady was hitting on my 22-year old farm hand.'

'If you bankers can count, how come you have six windows and only two tellers?'

"Feel free to take notes."

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Do you think that's wise?'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

'Oh, crap.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Miss America IQ Pageant

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

Wordplay: In The Bag.

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

Beyond the known and the unknown.

'You must heal yourself.'

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

FAQs.

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."