Wishful Renovator Gifts

"Well, you could wish for a new kitchen and a bathroom renovation; or alternatively you could just wish for a less idle husband."

'I found the termites!'

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

Cartoon showing a group snails, one has a large shell underneath him. Another snail, observing, says to his mate: "Another basement conversion.".

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

House Painter gets stuck to the ceiling.

"What ever happened with that old shack you bought in the woods? You were going to rehab and flip it."

Renovation work at Mount Rushmore.

"I'm all set to start the weekend reno project..." "And I'm all set to call 911."

'This guy's FAST!'

Homes for sale - some assembly required.

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

"It's the first responders wondering when you'll be needing their services this weekend..."

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

'... And with a little imagination, the workshop and reindeer stables could easily be converted into additional bedrooms.'

DIY Disaster.

'We wanted to maintain the integrity of the original house.'

Changing house name.

"When I bought, they called it a fixer-upper. After ten years and $175,000 worth of renovations, it's now called a tear-down."

'I was interested to see that you're living in a complete pigsty. Ours isn't quite finished yet.'

'It's not exactly the Hamptons, but with a little work it could be livable.'

Man in house with no roof on phone to estate agent: "Look, this house is unfinished. Please stop saying, 'It gets a lot of light'."

'Pardon the dust. We're remodeling.'

"It's a bit of a 'fixer upper'. You just have to chop down the forest, obtain planning permission, and build the house."

'I don't see how you were able to work for so many years. Since you've retired you can't do a thing.'

"Do me a favor. . . stick to changing the wallpaper that's on your computer."

"It's a quote from the builder, he's wanting £900 just to come around and sneer at us!"

"What if we put the solid granite Jacuzzi on the first floor?"

'I told you before we got married, I didn't want to get emulsionally involved.'