Wish List Warrior Pillows

Xmas List.

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

Changing Room Decisions

Clancy Strip:At a Restaurant

'You're too aggressive.'

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

"The doctor will see you in a week - if you could still be ill a week on Wednesday."

"Tenth circle. Ladies' shoes."

'Let's shop faster. I need the exercise.'

'Starting tomorrow, I'm going to stop putting things off.'

'No appointments are available for the next three months, but you can always call in to the doctor's talk show.'

Lost your helmets during the battle, huh? Who's laughing now?

'And I got this scar when I got in a crush of plump women rushing to buy Leviathongs at the mall sale...'

'They kept cancelling his operation so he decided to do it himself with the help of NHS Direct.'

'The doctor's busy. Can you come back when you're better?'

'Just when you think you've reached the final awareness, they send another update.'

'Forget what it looks like now. Think of what it will look like after you've put 10 years of loving care and back-breaking labor into it.'

Dr. Godot's waiting room.

Why do medical test results always come back on a Monday so we have to wait through the whole weekend to get our life-and-death results? You've signed a mouthful.

The art of wrapping.

Husband - 'Honey, the Vandamyer's are here!' Wife - 'I'll be down in a minute dear! I'm just polishing my nails.' (Woman polishing metal nails).

'It started with a headache, but not I've got a bedsore from sitting so long in this waiting room!'

"Get a move on, my tranquillizer is wearing off!"

Before and After an Update

"These endless software updates are killing your joie de vivre."

Line of children to see Santa Claus; Line of parents to use the ATM

"We'll stop for a bread, water and toilet break at 11.30... on Tuesday."

'This one is for 'World of Warcraft 3,'

'We come in pieces.'

"I found out the three words a father hates most on Christmas morning. 'Some assembly required'."

'World peace? Isn't that just an idealistic cliche?'

'OK, that's strike two. What is your third wish?'

"Slight misunderstanding...the 2000 isn't the target...it's the years it might take to reach the target!"

Let's go inside. And remember: Your internet shopping habits won't help you here. Mall. Huh? What're you wearing? You look ridiculous. It's nothing. Let's head into Target. It's a midweek sale. If we get separated, I'll bring you a medic. Uh, okay. Medic? In-person shopping melee! Medic. Soft-underbellied e-commerc shopper in aisle two! Where am I? Can I return to my homepage?