Wise Elder Admirer T-Shirts

'Grandpa, how did you settle things before litigation?'

Archimedes statue with a lever

"What old school? This is my life."

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

"Will she know what this is in reference to?"

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

'It will save us time if you don't tell me what still works and and what doesn't hurt.'

"I totally forgot what I came up here for."

Scale indicates the value of books.

"I've gone for a retro phone."

Toxic Relationship

"They just don't make 'em like Doc Malone anymore!"

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

"Don't bother complaining about anything to granddad...he'll just say 'these are the best days of your life!!!'"

Whistler priming his mother before painting her.

"I used to live each dray to the fullest. Now I'm satisfied with every other Tuesday."

"When are you going to give in and buy a cell phone?"

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

Three wise men following a lightbulb

"He's all right, but I'm looking for a guy who can really make me laugh."

Quadruple espresso. Sorry, Uncle Mort. I'm gonna have to cut you off. I'm old! I can drink as much as I want, whenever I want! You think I got this old without knowing what I can and can't handle? Sorry. See?! I told you I - Zzz. A barista should always follow his instincts.

The Latter Day Wisdom of Solomon

When you get to be my age, you start to notice certain patterns in the river of history. You start to notice, for instance, that the winner always loses. What's that mean? Every great power defines itself as the opposite of its main enemy. Once that enemy is defeated, the great power loses its virtues, its unity ... even its identity. The great power then either creates new enemies, or it fades into history. (Yawn) Old people talk a lot. What I'm saying is, you were not my first "Rudy Park," and

"Hi! Just a quick call to say thanks for still using a landline."

"I'm not looking for absolute wisdom. . . just enough to get by."

"Why do I get lumbered with Myrrh!"

The End is Nigh!

I thought we came from that way. Are you sure there's no South Star? I told you we should have asked Mary for directions. The three wise men on their way home.

Clark Gable

Flea Market Reenactment

"I'm only attracted to older women."

"I you want to know the age of my nan, just count the rings."