Wino With A Wink Pillows

"I'm just having fruit for dinner. Well, mostly grapes. OK, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for dinner."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

'People have been known to lose an eye when a wink goes seriously wrong.'

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

'Do not stand while the room is in motion.'

Wino Appreciation Group

"What would you serve with toast?"

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

'The brochure says their wines are distinctive. I think I know why.'

Alcoholic's X-Ray

"When we talked on the phone I never said that I was a non-drinking man! I said a one-drink man!"

Home Wine Making Kit.

"When I called you an idiot I meant it in the nicest possible way."

'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

"An interesting blend. . . notes of dry corn and overtones of dandelion leaf. . . essences of barley. . . a playful cabbage beetle finish."

Wine Hourglass

"Red wine with fish? Do you take me as some kind of a monster?!"

Joe's Bar - We sell no wine before it's opening time!

'Ask for a glass from the largest bottle. You'll get more that way.'

"Oh my God, the mineral water!"

'I shouldn't be surprised. Any restaurant that serves Tofurkey is bound to recommend MerNo or Chardon-No-Way to drink with it.'

'I'm not hung-over, I've got wine flu."

Doctor to patient: 'Alcohol is fine, as long as you don't apply it internally.'

'What goes with burnt toast and watery eggs?'

'These are for Ken's homemade Chenin Blance. Trust me, you'll need them.'

'These are by my doctor. If my pharmacist can't read his prescriptions, how can I expect to read his tasting notes?'

'How do you tell a red from a white?'

Beer is made by men, wine by god.

"I'm not ready for a relationship, maybe after I've finished this bottle of wine?"