Wino With A Wink Pillows

"I'm just having fruit for dinner. Well, mostly grapes. OK, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for dinner."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

Keith Floyd.

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

'People have been known to lose an eye when a wink goes seriously wrong.'

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

Wino Appreciation Group

'Do not stand while the room is in motion.'

'That's a tough question. I suppose I should be served with a dry red.'

"Wait. Let it breathe."

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

"What would you serve with toast?"

'The brochure says their wines are distinctive. I think I know why.'

"When we talked on the phone I never said that I was a non-drinking man! I said a one-drink man!"

Alcoholic's X-Ray

Home Wine Making Kit.

'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

"Red wine with fish? Do you take me as some kind of a monster?!"

"When I called you an idiot I meant it in the nicest possible way."

"An interesting blend. . . notes of dry corn and overtones of dandelion leaf. . . essences of barley. . . a playful cabbage beetle finish."

Wine Hourglass

Joe's Bar - We sell no wine before it's opening time!

"Oh my God, the mineral water!"

'Ask for a glass from the largest bottle. You'll get more that way.'

'I shouldn't be surprised. Any restaurant that serves Tofurkey is bound to recommend MerNo or Chardon-No-Way to drink with it.'

'I'm not hung-over, I've got wine flu."

Doctor to patient: 'Alcohol is fine, as long as you don't apply it internally.'

Beer is made by men, wine by god.

"I'm not ready for a relationship, maybe after I've finished this bottle of wine?"

"Looks like Grandpa filled the goldfish bowl with Mom's pinot grigio again."

'How do you tell a red from a white?'

'These are by my doctor. If my pharmacist can't read his prescriptions, how can I expect to read his tasting notes?'