Winning A Legal Battle T-Shirts

'He's been unbearable since he took the IRS to court and beat them.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

Wal-Mart Ruling

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

India Decriminalizes Homosexuality

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

'Our only option is to improve quality or hire more lawyers.'

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

"She left everything to you. But, the hamster is contesting the will."

Time is running out for Julian Assange.

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

'You'll make lots of money and eat a little caca... that's what attorneys do.'

"Of course, if you get your client off in the initial trial you're throwing away the appeal fee."

'You didn't 'win' anything, just declared not guilty.'

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

"Your Honor, Mr. Jones is a waiter and claims he thought the $75,000 in stolen bank funds were left for a tip."

"Well, we saved this attorney. Some poacher shot him and removed his highly-prized fin."

'We have obligations to our stockholders, our employees and our community - Fortunately, Henderson in legal has found a loophole.'

'Might as well get comfortable. The appeal process can take forever.'

'Yes, I have both a law and a medical degree. If you sue me for 'malpractice', I'll sue you for 'slander'.'

"As soon as I get the paperwork together I'll file an appeal. Sometimes there are just not enough hours in the day."

"I think I've lost a step with age. Instead of suing I usually just wind up counter suing."

Lawyers offices, with todays score card. - Won...Lost ...Tied

"Anything but a head shot only angers an attorney."

Look at what your verdict is doing to my complexion!

"That M'lud, is the prosecutions case."

Rebel MC vs. Rebel QC

'Oh, no! They've got a Swiss-army defence lawyer!'

I can't believe it. My band's new album sold a million copies on iTunes. I'm rich! First thing I'm going to do is buy a mansion with twelve rooms, each with its own Playstation and Xbox that my butler will play for me. You might not want to spend any of that money just yet, little buddy. You might need it for the settlement. What settlement? I'm not sure it was entirely legal to name your album "Beyonce's New Album." I added "sarcastic quotes" around it, so it'll be fine.

'You won't be able to afford a top lawyer like me for very long. But, maybe just long enough to give your wife one heck of a scare.'