Wine Witticist T-Shirts

'He'll want you to try the Winelich maneuver first, instead of the Heimlich -- it brings up the food, but leaves the wine.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'Are you sure the recipe calls for a whole cup of good burgundy?'

Witty T-Shirt Guy

"Wait. Let it breathe."

"May I see some ID, Madame? Haha, just kidding!"

'Yes, we made something better than sliced bread and built a better mousetrap, but maybe R&D needs new blood.'

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

Recreational and Medicinal Wines

"Why are you giving them whiskey?"

'You said you wanted a book on how to enjoy wine. This is the only 'book' you need.'

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."

"At our age I figure we only have two taste buds left. One for vodka and one for wine."

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

"It's disappointing, but if that's the biggest you've got ..."

Advanced course at the Wine Appreciation Institute in my house.

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'