William Tell Fan T-Shirts

"Now I wish I hadn't gotten him that bow and arrows for Father's Day."

'A cheeky red?'

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

Cat Burglar

The Alpha Seltzer

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"No flight of the Bumblebee"

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"If you'd like to take a seat."

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"You have no idea what it's like to be a 'just between you and me' person in a 'just between you and I' world."

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

Annual Swim Hundreds of Miles, Spawn and Die Marathon.

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

"There's only the four of us. I hope you like doo-wop."

Surgeon walks through hospital where sign says, 'No Stresspassing'.

"Oh, I'm fine. I just had to take a personal day to recharge my batteries."

"Gimme a lite. Bug Lite."

Loopholes

'I prefer the term 'mobile home'.'

"Streaming"

Praying mantis.

Business Promotion.

'You have a fauxbia.'

S**t Threw a Goose

"The etchings are in the library."

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

"I'm terrible taking tests, too. I always freeze."