Wildlife Ironist Pillows

'How would you like to be a big star in the circus?'

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

'You sure complain a lot for someone who says he loves nature.'

'Humans do it, why couldn't we? Instead of chasing food, we could breed it: It's all explained in my report...'

Squirrel chopping wooden leg of lumberjack.

This isn't a good time to see him --- He just got outbid for a soul on eBay. Beelzebub.

'No doubt about it we're really lost!...Even GPS says it can't help!'

Artist Misses the Point

Sartre's E-Mail

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

Fitted Sheet:1/Human:0

"I think it stands for, 'Please Eat the Activist,' which is exactly what I did!"

Income Tax Return

"Are you getting a signal up there?"

Happiness is iPadding a nature show in surround-smell.

'This should give the sociobiologists somethings to think about.'

Leave Only Footprints, Take Only Photos.

"When I was young I needed drugs to feel weird. Now, I need drugs to feel normal."

"I'm selling all my old passwords that were stolen."

"Hey Vincent, I got a certified letter today. Apparently the birds have reported us stalking them and have taken out a restraining order against us."

"Yes, I was downsized out of here last month. That's who this collection is for!"

'you've been circling three days, and your prey won't die - what's your position, ethically speaking?'

"I no longer think, therefore I no longer am."

Mistletoe Farm

Big fish can't eat the little ones.

The Misleading Wine Fridge

A mortgage and a shitty job-experience centre.

Capitalist tree hugger

Angel looking down to other angel: 'Oh, those poor meek guys - they inherited the Earth.'

'It's the only way they can control his testosterone!'

'It's too bad about them banning DDT. I was just getting to like it.'

"Oh, I'll get away with it - they'll blame it on a deer hunter!"

'My office!!'

Environmentally friendly woman putting slug killer down

Yeah, maybe so, but you're not higher up on the food chain. (Published originally on April 28, 2009.)