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'I taught junior high for fifteen years.'

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"Quick, start the car!"

"You do realize you can't take that one home."

A sheep dog has stacked the sheep four high - 'He used to be with the circus before he came to the farm...!'

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

'Bert's dog training.'

"Cross-breeding oops #1." "The Cougadooodle"

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

Agility God

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

Litter Tray Training

'He's not supposed to go out.'

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

'Listen Sonny, I don't want or NEED to get to the other side!'

Funky Facts: Monkeys.

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

'Of course he can do tricks...it's just he's got a bad memory.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

A mime and his pet parrot talk to one another.

Dog Training Academy and the Cat Anarchy Club.

"Are we done yet? ... Because I'm turning around now."

A dog on the sidewalk has a 'walk me' sign, begging for a walk.

'Well, they're just great for running down gazelles and jackals!'

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

"Have you been throwing a lot of poop lately?"

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"Try to get him away from that bloody whip...Pass it on."

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.