Widget Wizard Pillows

Eric was beginning to regret asking his new networking contact what he did for a living. . .

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

Pounding speeds up the computer.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"We only got six days of funding."

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"Lovely dovetail."

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

Targets.

Waiting for retirement.

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

Gerald Ratner's return

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

The Move.

'When I registered for this class, in computer programming, nobody told me that it's all about converting caffeine into computer code.'

Stupid ideas rewritten to sound like brilliant concepts.

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

"Do you have a link I can click on that removes me from all future conversations with you?"

This is Pandora, our new Content Manager.

"Yeah, I keep a clean desk. Now all the mess is in the computer!"

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

Old MacDonald had a data farm. AI AI O.

Start the session by doing something unusual.

Dad's Workbench

'I think I set the security level, on my anti virus software, too high. Whenever I access anything it is automatically deleted.'

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

Somebody should really be filming this for YouTube.

'We've always needed an accounting magician.'

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."