Whoopsie Eater Gifts

"Yesterday my frig stunk real bad! But now it doesn't! I musta eaten whatever it was!"

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

Today's special... donuts.

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

All-Day Breakfast

Sm. Pepperoni & Mushroom Cloud

"I believe I'll skip the appetizer. I ate the flowers."

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

"Is everything all right? Any reactions to the irradiated carrots, the transgenic tomatoes, or the antibiotics in the chicken?"

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

Access Denied!

Joe Hundredaire

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

'I think we should eat out in the hotel tomorrow dear.'

'Is there a money back guarantee if the burrito isn't as big as your head?'

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

Cafe Jelly, Set Lunch

'You order the jumbo combo?'

'Will the gentleman prefer his mouse well-done, or will he be playing with it first?'

Cafe Philosophique

Go large or go home!

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

"Anything to accompany a stale marriage?"

Food-Snob Fear Factor

"We'll be using a pig's kidney in the transplant....Suit yourself, we'll try a turnip, good luck with that!"

Slow food.

'So...They got you too..'

"Everyone, stop looking delicious. The vegans are back and that tofurkey jerky won't keep them back much longer."

"The good thing about eating a melon is that you wash your face at the same time!"

It occurred to Norman that he was using far, far too much salt.

'The Ghost of Birthday Present couldn't make it. I'm the Ghost of No Birthday Present.'

"We give thanks for plant-based meals that spare some of us. . . and those humans who choose these."

'Maybe he said store the wine horizontally...'