Whistleblower Chuckler Pillows

'Let's put it this way, part of you was offside!'

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

'...and on that you have my word.'

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

Servant Painting Targets Around Arrows Shot by a King

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

'I worked briefly in a Fine-China shop, but it didn't work out...'

"Pff! That orang utan's obviously a crisis actor!"

The Big Four debate banking ethics

'If you must laugh, will you do it in the humour section please?'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

Know Your Level

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

Barack Obama with a listening medal.

'Yes, I did receive your resume. As a matter of fact, I'm passing it around the office as we speak.'

'You can have asylum, but you have to reveal all of the government's toy building secrets...'

Have a Box - the red contains a whistle which you can blow before the securities and exchange commission. The blue one has a bonus, which you can take home and spend.

Yoga - moooooooo.

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

Wiki Leaks

"No. I blew the interview when I sniffed the interviewer's behind."

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

Thank God for the misfits and dregs of society!

"I'll be handling the instant replay calls on your bodycam footage."

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

... I want you to sit in and keep prompting me not to swear.

"I didn't jump, I fell asleep waiting."

'...and I promise not to make any rash promises...OOPS!'

Hello, you have reached the Johnsons. All of our family members are currently busy sharing the events of their day. Please continue to hold, and the next available 4-year-old will be with you shortly. Machines Programmed for Telemarketers.

'Never ever will I move by train again.'