Whiskey Warrior Pillows

Whiskey wars

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Make it a double!"

Yoga for Alcoholics

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

God taking iceburgs with ice tongs for his whisky.

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

"The lunch, grab the lunch!"

'Everyone keeps telling me I need my eyes checked, so here I am!'

Blue Blazer Cocktail.

"She got the house, six thousand a month and custody of our people."

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

'Rotgut whiskey is much more festive served with a paper umbrella, don't you think?'

"He was 95. The doctors reckon it was either the bacon, the beer, the whiskey, the smoking, the wine, the steaks, the coffee, the butter, the biscuits or just too much sunshine that finally did him in."

'I figured I was in hell when I saw the wine list - 800 selections, and they're all white zinfandels.'

"You'll have to have it neat, sir. We're running out of ice."

'It's a taste I think I can say I've acquired.'

"Each year the Kayaks made their way upstream."

'I don't think that brand of cat food is very healthy.'

'I've become resistant to antibiotics, but what I dread is a shot of whisky in a cup of hot tea.'

'Eric the white horse' was fed up being associated with whiskey...so he decided to try beer instead!

"Holy cow! This is bourbon!" "My husband is from Kentucky."

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

"Forget the Gin Sling, I'll have a whisky and soda."

'You're meant to take off the old nicotine patches before putting on a new one!'

'You've had enough.'

Cat boxer

"Typical! One sip and he slips out for a shootout!"

'I didn't know it was so dangerous. . . Mac's coffee.'

'He's going to need more bourbon.'

"My wife wants a perfume that'll make her irresistable. What have you got that smells like bourbon and cigars?"