Whale Communicator Gifts

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

"It get it – you're hungry."

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

Very Difficult Conversations

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

Boy with a whale: 'He followed me home, Dad, can I keep him?'

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

So you're a mocking bird...

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"You don't whisper anymore."

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"I have no thumbs."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

I sometimes feel spotted, but I never really feel seen.

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

"Have you tried biting him?"

"I think it loves us."

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Hold that thought, my love. I'm listening – I just need to pee on those daylilies."

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).