Wellness Thinker T-Shirts

'Yes, it is glandular. Glandular and chocolate.'

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Unguided imagery

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'Our health-care system - eat organically.'

Proceed no further if chakras not aligned.

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

"That's good. Now extend the fingers and lose the attitude."

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"Now that you mention it, I have to admit, the daily grind IS starting to get to me!"

"I've never seen Tia Carmen so excited about a grand opening."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"1971... 2015..."

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

'Where the hell's my app for happiness?'

Three cases of therapy-resistant low self-esteem

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

"Holy moly!"

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

Card: Get Human Soon!

Cures for the void.

'St John's wort ambulance' - hippy ambulance.

'Everything looks good, Now, we'll just bring in the company psychic to see if you have any pre-existing conditions from a previous life.'

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'It's good that you're taking vitamins... but you need to stop BUTTERING them.'

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."