Welcome Mat Philosopher T-Shirts

'I was hoping we'd worn that out.'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

"You don't whisper anymore."

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

Aging Support Group

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"It's a self-driving skateboard."

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

I think therefore I am.

Information about information about information about information.

Domestic Spying Drones

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"Whoa - not so fast! I've got to check your browsing history first..."