Wedding Planner With A Twist Gifts

Everything for the Wedding.

Internet wedding - 'Apparently, you get a 40% discount if you marry on-line...'

A knight moves to get married.

"I can't believe you forgot your death certificate."

When airline pilots get married.

"Yes, I called off our wedding. Didn't you get my inter-office memo?"

Murder on the Newlywed Game.

'Is there a ring?'

'We are about to toast the bride and groom.'

"So what are you planning for your wedding tomorrow?"

"For you darling..."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"You may now kiss the bride..."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

Boat wedding.

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'I always cry at weddings!'

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"...until death do you a favor."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'He does.'